Friday, March 12, 2010

11 year old scientific explanations

I was forwarded these answers a looooooong time ago, back when internet was still crawling on a 28.8K modem connection!

How true are they, I have no idea. But it's definitely a good read.

Enjoy reading...

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you
expire.

H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

To collect fumes of sulphur, hold down a deacon over a flame in a
test tube.

When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon
monoxide.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration.

The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.

Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow
instead of the bull.

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and
makes them perspire.

A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like
umbrellas.

Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.

Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is
affirmative or negative.

For a nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body until the
heart stops.

For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down
to make Artificial Perspiration.

For Fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm
above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the
nearest medical doctor.

For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not
recovered, then kill it.

For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is
dead.

To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.

For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in
your throat.

To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out
and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton
is something to hitch meat to.

The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends
towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and
nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

Litre: A nest of young puppies.

Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

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